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BJAODN Contents

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52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66
Best picks 1 2 3 4 5
Helpdesk 1 | Unblock 1

Special collections


Feel free to add BJAODN to the newest page, but cite the source you got those Bad Jokes from. Thank you.

Page name inspiration: Reference to rides that say "children must be this high (tall) to get onto this ride" and, from there, a pun on "getting high" (via drug of choice).

Contents

Sheena! At the Disco!

Sheena! At the Disco!, a British band was created by a lady named Sheena! and her imaginary friends.

Their first album, British Invasion, features many hits including: These Hips Don't Lie, My Fat is Everlasting, and I'm A Sheena Girl

I'm A Sheena Girl Lyrics:

I'm A Sheena Girl, living in a Sheena world, im made of fat, its fattastic! (repeat x4)

Boris

The name Boris is derived from the latin term "ori" meaning gay. INTERESTING FACT - Boris Popic that goes to ECSS is gay and watches broke back mountain everyday.

from User_talk:김정일

IM KIM JONG IL..... BITCH!!!!!!

You have been indefinitely blocked for being a vandalism-only account. Academic Challenger| 04:31, 12 May 2006 (UTC)

From Football

Football is a game in which people, generally males, push each other around in order to catch a dead pig. The game was originally invented by cave men fighting over a dead moose.

from Chlorophyll

chlorophyll iz the name of a compond found in plants....plants use it for photosynthesis...it izzz very useful to me..i inhale chlorophyll every day whn i eat stuff..nd yes..its very tasty too


From Freebirditis

Freebirditis is a disorder most common in the American South, but which can occur anywhere. It is spontaneous and has no known cure. Freebirditis is caused by a deficiency of Free Bird, but adding this to one's lifestyle will rarely help the condition. Free Bird is much like a drug; it feels great when one has his or her "fix," but take that away, and the sufferer goes into withdrawl. Common symptoms of freebirditis include:

  • The urge to shout "Free Bird!" at any musical function; this includes, but is not limited to, concerts, parties, recitals, radios, television, and when one sees a person opening a guitar case.
  • A myopic stance regarding all other songs, as Free Bird is recognized to be the greatest song in the world, thus rendereing all else meaningless.
  • Extreme veneration for Duane Allman of the Allman Brothers, usually to the point of personality cult.
  • Swollen lymph nodes


From The Very Hungry Caterpillar

The Very Hungry Caterpillar (ISBN 0399226907) is a children's book written by Eric Carle and originally published in 1969. It has proven to be highly popular and has been praised for its use of easy-to-read words which makes it good for teaching young children to read|. The story has been translated into over 50 languages and, as of 2005, a copy is sold roughly every 57 seconds. It was featured on Sesame Street in the early 1990s.

The book contains 225 words and large, colourful illustrations. It follows a caterpillar as it munches its way through a variety of edibles such as ice cream, salami, watermelon and a lollipop before it finally pupates and emerges as a butterfly. The story teaches the life cycle of a butterfly, counting to 5, the names of the days of the week, and about food. Various interpretations have been placed upon it - for example, it is seen as a transformation story in Cambodia and an anti-capitalist| work in the former East Germany.

The original title of the book was to have been A Week with Willi Worm, featuring a bookworm named Willi. However, Carle's editor advised that a green worm would not make a very likable protagonist. George W. Bush has expressed his fondness for the book, and there are rumours of the film rights having been sold for £1 million.

Template:Spoiler

Day 1

The main character is established. The hungry caterpillar is led to eat a single red apple.

Day 2

The Caterpillar, unsatisfied with its single red apple is driven on to eat 2 yellow pears.

Day 3

We see the character devour 3 purple plums. This chapter is one to think about. Are these plums in anyway symbolic? So far in the book, the caterpillar has eaten a fair share of food, but we all know that a caterpillar weighing about 5g, having a length of 4-6cm eating 3 plums that weigh about 100g each, is beyond the realms of possible biology.

This chapter certainly makes us question the way in which we think about the character. Whether this is to be taken literally or as a symbolic gesture is a matter of the reader's choice.

Day 4

The caterpillar eats 4 strawberries (which is much more possible than chapter 3)

Day 5

If you were not convinced by chapter 3, then when you see the caterpillar eats 5 whole oranges, you may be tempted to put down the book, however, this is all a build up to the ending.

Day 6

On this day, the last threads of possible reality are flushed away as the caterpillar devours its way through every known form of confectionery. This is questionable on multiple fronts, such as:

  • How does a simple caterpillar acquire the money needed to buy such large amounts of food? Does she steal the food? If so, how?
  • In a similar fashion to chapter 3, how does a caterpillar ingest all these foods?

We shall never know.

Day 7

The caterpillar eats one, single leaf. Nothing more, nothing less. This penultimate chapter is probably the most beautiful and significant so far. One single leaf. What the author is doing here is showing the contrast. It seems as though the caterpillar has eaten all it possibly can. All the apples, pears, plums, strawberries, oranges, cakes, muffins, eclairs, and ice creams in the world, but it has yet to eat its most sustainable food source.

Final Chapter

In this climactic ending of the book, the caterpillar, cocoons itself to come out as a beautiful butterfly. The hungry caterpillar is hungry no more.

Further reading (and watching) for enjoyers of this book:

References

External links

Im sorry but this an actual public domain book, I loved it when I was ... 4 Ghingo| 12:17, 22 May 2006 (UTC)

From User talk:OrphanBot

Lost your image? If it was deleted due to a lack of source or copyright information, OrphanBot's probably kept a copy, and I'll willingly re-upload it for you if you can provide the source of the image and correct copyright information. Place a message on my talk page|, and I'll see what I can do.

Comments archived: 26 January, 2006 15 February, 2006 7 March 2006 18 March 2006

Seals Of Approval

[[wp::Image:Kimjongil-wave.jpg|I'm Kim Jong-il and I approved this OrphanBot!|]]

Image:Adolf Hitler Bigger.jpg
Image:Nixon 30-0316a.jpg
Image:Nazi Swastika.svg
Image:Klan-in-gainesville.jpg
Image:Saddam Hussein (107).jpg
Image:Saddam Hussein (107).jpg


From User:Conrad Devonshire and User talk:Conrad Devonshire

From User talk:Conrad Devonshire:

HELL-O! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU Conrad Devonshire
Conrad Devonshire IS A C**T
Conrad Devonshire IS A C**T
Conrad Devonshire IS A C**T
NATZI CIA FASCISTS DIE!

Conrad Devonshire Is an EVIL NATZI cia agent, death to the AMARICAN FASCISTS, DEATH TO ISRAEL, DEATH TO DEVONSHINE!

From User:Conrad Devonshire:

conservative natzi

JIHAD ON THE USA, ISRAEL AND THE WEST! WE ARE GOING TO BOMB YOU COUNTRY AND POISON YOUR WATER SUPPLIES

From Wikipedia talk:No terms of endearment

Patently absurd

This proposed "policy" is patently absurd and I think it warrants speedy deletion. --Cyde Weys| vote|talk| 23:18, 29 December 2005 (UTC)

I don't know. Maybe its a joke? KillerChihuahua|?!?| 23:35, 29 December 2005 (UTC)

It is. Scroll down to the categories. It's listed under "Wikipedia humor." -Kyd| 23:41, 29 December 2005 (UTC)
Right. I edited the top box slightly to make this more apparent. Herostratus| 02:26, 30 December 2005 (UTC)

I love you all. --DavidConrad| 02:05, 3 January 2006 (UTC)

Tut. Tut. A term of endearment. I'll have to block you for that.


Image:Octagon-warning.png
Blocked
You have been blocked for expressing love| for 45 seconds. To contest this block, add the text {{unblock}} on this page, along with an explanation of why you believe this block to be unjustified. You can also email the blocking administrator or any administrator from this list|. Please be sure to include your username| (if you have one) and IP address in your email.

Please do not erase warnings on this page. Removing a block notice might suggest an emotional concern for others or loving thoughts.
FearÉIREANN|Image:Ireland-Capitals.PNG\(caint)| 01:13, 15 February 2006 (UTC)

Does any one know what the Stargate's ninth chevron does.

It makes Amanda Tappings have sex with me.

From User talk:Jimbo Wales

Jimbo Wales, I am a friend of thewolfstar. She has asked me to ask you to please help her and Merecat. She along with Merecat and many others have been blocked unfairly with no procedure followed. Thewolfstar's page is protected now, too. She and Merecat are now blocked indefinitely. Thewolfstar's unblock code has been removed by her blockers. Bishonen is involved and Swatjester, both known low-lives. Please help thewolfstar and please help Merecat. I know you hate junior highers like Bishonen and Schvatjester. SlimVirgin, Bunchofgrapes, Killerchihuahua and many others are involved for sure. Thanks Jimbo. Many are being blocked and extermminated all over the place. It's clear that any dissenting view on Wikipedia is not allowed. There is no doubt about it. The conspiracy is world wide and it runs deepLamb of god| 23:06, 12 May 2006 (UTC)

Oooh, why wasn't I included in the lowlives? I live very lowly, when I live at all, and the whole WP:AN/I seems to be in on the conspiracy. (BTW, I'm reminded of Yvor Winters's comment on Gerard Manley Hopkins's The Windhover: "I breed champion aerdales, but I wouldn't write a poem comparing one of them to Jesus Christ." One must wonder what it takes to name oneself the agnus dei.) Geogre| 02:45, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
Never fear, I would have named you, had I written that missive. You truly are the lowest of the low, Geogre... Well, ok maybe not the VERY lowest of the low, but far enough. +|+|Lar|: t|/c| 02:52, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
are you guys from the Low lands|, because only there (and a few other palces) you can live below the sea level, speaking about low lives. Kim van der Linde| at venus| 03:17, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
I lived in New Orleans for a year, and that has an elevation of -2m, and the man sent to do the job| failed to put his finger in the dyke|. Geogre| 13:11, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
I looked at thewolfstar's talk page and edit history and found at least one edit that deserved banning--I only looked briefly as it was very long. If "Lamb of god" is not a different person, then I think it's someone they know from the wikipedia review site. DyslexicEditor| 03:28, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
The block/ban was based on a month's behavior, multiple attempts at mediation, and took place only after a long discussion in two locations on AN/I, as well as the user's talk page. This was one of the more slow-motion bans ever, and there were innumerable attempts at getting the matter resolved by at least half a dozen unrelated persons. Geogre| 13:11, 13 May 2006 (UTC)
DE- It started at serious personal attacks and ended at veiled and not so veiled threats against other editors and wikipedia itself. Not a happy story.
Geogre, if you are feeling left out let us know and I'm sure we can come up with an egregious personal attack or two. I would have long since, except... I can't write sonnets. Do you have any preference for the topic of the insult? 'Near the lowest, but not quite, the lowest, of the low' lacks a certain flow that I like to have in my personal attacks. MilesVorkosigan| 18:50, 13 May 2006 (UTC)

Zeinlatin

Zeinlatin is the made-up word in the stupid disco song that goes like "Ah, ah, ah, ah zeinlatin, zeinlatin, ah, ah, ah, ah zeinlatin, zeinlaaaaaaaaaaaaatin!" Some people may say that they are saying "stay in the light", but these people are liars and should be dragged into the streets and shot.

From Sex

Level of definition Female Male
Secondary sexual characteristics (Sex)
Usually Breasts, menstrual cycle, development of "hourglass" body form (i.e., 8, or, in a better situation, <math>\infty</math>), relatively shorter height, relatively more body fat| Facial| and body hair, development of "triangular" body form (i.e., ▲, ►, ▼, or ◄, depending on the occasion), relatively higher height, relatively less body fat

From Harrow School

New Boy's Test

The New Boys' Test is undertaken by all new boys three weeks after joining the school. Each is trained for the test by a "shepherd", who is responsible for the new boy in the first few weeks. It involves olive oil, baking soda and lots of courage. Firstly the boy is touched in his fun zone by a boy in the top year, then he is checked for fleas, bent over a chair and spanked hard (normally some sort of cavity search is commenced at this point) and the boy, normally voluntarily, shouts "I wish I didn't fail Common Entrance, I really wanted to go to Eton and instead I'm stuck in this sick place filled with chavs and predatory bearded older men." After this experience most Harovians are some what embittered and become 'rude boys' and generally pretend to be gangsters of some sort as a coping mechanism. It must always be remembered that they are all a bit rubbish.

From: Flat Earth

DISCLAIMER: The "flat earth" concept is, as we all should know, complete and total bullshit. The "flat earth" concept is only beleived by those conspiracy theorists who believe JFK and MLK are still alive, we never landed on the moon, etc. This is mostly caused by either a) childhood abuse, b) dumbass parents, or c) the failure to find Waldo in a childhood game.

from Slaphead

Somebody, usually a male, who has shaved all his hair off from his head and is therefore referred to as a slaphead, pronounced "Slap'ed"

Also, an individual, either male or female with hair or without, who annoys others to the point of making them want to slap their own heads silly out of sheer frustration, pronounced "Slap'hed"

From Talk:James R. Gillespie

Never before have I met such a selfless and kind person as Mr. Gillespie. Not long ago I was dying from degenerative muscle condition in my lower abdomen losing both my kidneys. I had no hope, I could only lament in my own misery on my deathbed. The chances of finding a donor with type O- blood were non-existent. I accepted that I was going to die. That was until he showed up. James R. Gillespie, my savior. I never knew Mr. Gillespie personally. I only heard the legends surrounding the man's good deeds, but never could I imagine this. Once he heard about my condition Mr. Gillespie donated his right kidney without hesitation, and even paid for the entire operation since my family lacked medical insurance. After the operation I asked "Why? Why did you help me? A stranger?" His only reply was a warming smile, a smile that would keep my dreams alive.

Thank you Mr Gillespie, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hope you don't mind if I name my kid James G. ;)


I like to think there's a little bit of Mr. G in all of us. You just got extra lucky. :) Iodyne| 23:06, 25 April 2006 (UTC)

I do not think I would be here if not for Mr. Gillespie. He touched me in a way that I will never forget. Shortly after leaving a party one night, I decided to go driving, despite all the warnings my friends gave me about going out. It was very late in the night, when I left, and as it so happened, I failed to see the guard rail and the turn, and my car flew into the guard rail and down a cliff. Amazingly I was still alive, but my body was pinned under the car. I was sure this was the end, and started to pray to God. Out of nowhere Mr. Gillespie came to my rescue. He called down into the ditch, but I was pinned and couldn't answer. I had a massive gash across my forehead, and I was losing blood fast. When Mr. Gillespie heard no response from me he began to climb down into the ditch. When I saw him I thought that it was an angel and called out weakly "Have you come to save me?" Mr. Gillespie reassured me and kept me calm while he began to try to dig me out from under the car. Somehow, by sheer force, he got me free. As soon as I got out, he took off his shirt and fashioned a make-shift tourniquette out of it for my head. Then, with much help from Mr. Gillespie we climbed back onto the road and he laid me down in the warmth of the back seat of his car while he called the paramedics. Thank you James Gillespie, for giving me a second chance on life and being there for me

--Jean-Pierre


James R Gillespie is my personal savior. I was born in Ethiopia into a poor family. I suffered from starvation and was going to die a horribly slow death. Then what I thought was a reprieve came. A neighboring village, known as the Kash-Ki-Shu's attacked my home after a small group of young peoples from a peace group came with food. The food was not enough to feed us all, but death seemed faster now as I watched my family die around me. Then my hero appeared. He burst into our small straw hut and killed 8 of the Kash-Ki-Shu with his bare hands, using a strange fighting style that no one has ever seemed to have heard of before. He then carried my battered body 20 miles to the next peaceful village. After we were rested, he brought me here to the states, and taught me english along with a woman called Anne Sullivan. After learning to speak and function, he has been a father figure to me and has cared for me in more ways that I can count. Bless you Gillespie!

--Kwamii Smith


Minha família é muito pobre. Nós não tivemos nenhum presente para chrismas. Nosso charity recebeu muito poucos presentes que o ano e nós tínhamos perdido o raffle. Era chrismas muito sad. Então um dia meu mom deu-nos a notícia grande. Nosso charity disse-nos que um homem alto doou muitos presentes e aquele todos um quem tinha perdido o raffle começaria a um. Isto fêz minhas irmãs pequenas muito felizes. Eu não os vi sorrir em assim por muito tempo. Obrigado dando me o Sr. feliz Gillespie Agradecer dos chrismas você.


--Affonso Lopes

James R Gillespie is a very noteable man. He continually ensures that his students get the best education they can receive by pushing them to exceed. One of his students has a serious health condition. The student has degenerative bone marrow, which will cause him to pass out because of lack of fresh blood being produced. Mr Gillespie continually provides transfusions for his student through the local hospital. Mr Gillespie even goes so far as to email the student to make sure he has his assignments, which will prevent the student from failing the Advanced Computer Science class. James also has a broad spectrum of religous views. Another student of his has a annual hike up a mountain with only a shepards cane to praise his god from the mountain top. Mr Gillespie, being so understanding, exempted this student from taking place in the manditory review session during winter break. All around Mr Gillespie is a tremendous person and is a valuable addition to the school.

John. 4 year survivor of degenerative bone marrow.


I too have a Mr. Gillespie story, however it is sadly not as joyous as some of the recent entries. James and I attended James Madison University together in the year 2000. About half way through our freshman year a mutual friend introduced James and I to a man we would only ever hear referred to as "Oscar the Grouch." Oscar led us through the wild world of drugs, alcohol, and sex. Any illegal drug or primiscuous sex act anyone had ever heard of we did and did again. Then one day, after our eighth tab of E, surveying a room full of questionably attractive and barely clothed women splayed out in various suggestive poses as we had left them the night before, I saw James' eyes begin to water. I turned to him and no words were neccessary. He was done with this. He looked at me longingly, as if by some stretch of the imagination I could accompany him on his journey back to normalicy, but deep down we both new there was no chance of this. I was in too far and there was no turning back. One man left the room that day and started a new and better life. One man stayed and was slowly consumed by the filth and the grime of the underworld.

James. You made the right choice. --Colin Daniels



James Gillespie's acts of selflessness and raw morality do not end with the tragedy of his younger years at JMU or the lesser known fate of his Vitiligo condition. I too was in need of this man, and like the others was helped just as unconditionally.

It was upon his shoulder that my head rested upon that winter's eve, as my eyes were rolled into the back of my head and my body shivering. I was the son of a hobo (whos name I dare not mention)and finally had mustered the courage to release myself from my father's two fisted grasp. At his front door I rang Mr. G's doorbell and told him story. His face was that of compassion, his blue eyes like my own pools of sorrow. He took me into his care for 3 months, and set me free after enrolling me into a trade school to a place I promised not to disclose. I have never since seen or wanted to see my father or his grainy gaze. I swore to James R. Gillespie that I would repay him for his kindness and lessons one day, and that is a goal I am forever working to reach. Thank you for existing James Gillespie. ~ Frederick Cupp



DO NOT DELETE

I happen to know Mr. Gillespie personally, and to have heard of his great deeds. Many of you disbelieve this article because you find it improbable that he has accomplished so much in his life, but I know for a fact that over 82% of this article is indeed true. I was present for the fabled kidney transplant for I too was recieving an operation that day. Few people know this, but when James Gillespie was younger, he was what is commonly known as "African American." However, as he aged, he began to suffer from Vitiligo, a rare skin condition where a dark skinned person's skin turns white. The picture posted on this page is merely a rememberance of happier times, before Gillespie found out that he was dying at the rate of an average person. So I beg you, please don't delete this because James R. Gillespie is truely an amazig man who dserves to have his story known.

Martin Caprence


The Church of the Norris

Created not long ago in the High School of Windward in Washington State. The Church of the Norris has several unknown followers and one Archbishop. His name is David Kylingmark. And he preaches the word of the Norris to all that will hear it.


Teachings

1. To uphold the thought that Chuck Norris is the creator of all.

2. To spread the word of the Norris to all that will hear it.

3. Evolution does not exist only the creatures that the Norris has willed into existance.

4. All things but the Norris are imperfect.

From: User talk:Ndru01

Thank you for experimenting with Wikipedia. Your test worked, and has been reverted| or removed. Please use the sandbox| for any other tests you want to do. Take a look at the welcome page| if you would like to learn more about contributing to our encyclopedia. Weregerbil| 06:23, 15 May 2006 (UTC)

Oh Demiurge, omniscient omnipresent and (supposedly) omnipotent-almighty of this shitty infoverse (home of wikipedia, all other -pedias, and databases of forms, material and/or abstract), tell me what is worse: Solipsism or Recursion (fighting the demons about the very fact that demons are real and that I/we are/should be fighting the demons...)? Or maybe 'recursive solipsism'? ... Beautiful thing derived from this 'beautiful' world (ie. Demiurge's info-prison)... Ndru01 02:03, 16 May 2006 (UTC)
Do you have a program that generates this or do you type it all yourself? You should write poetry! It's like a hint of Shakespeare in there. Weregerbil| 19:17, 16 May 2006 (UTC)
The point is that this whole universe IS a 'program'. I don't 'have' here anything, I'm just a mind that is a victim of this curious-sinful-Demiurge's manifestation-creation, being a part of him/it. Both me as a 'human mind' and Demiurge as my whole (or in solipsist version myself), although a 'runaway' (or 'exhiled') emanated from the Spirit, since all levels of this holarchy emanate from the Spirit. So even for Demiurge (the Mind, by default), essentially, we cannot say he 'has' any program. The program (some initial infoverse that evolves with the 'creation') started with Demiurge's emanating from the Spirit. Whatever Demiurge is creating, the program is not really 'his', but he is in an unfortunate 'symbiosis' with it, interacting as supreme-mind with it (with this monstrous infoverse). But in case we consider Demiurge (and all his sub-levels including the level of human synergetic whole) as - Consciousness, the symbiosis itself, then we may say Demiurge 'has' the Program, but the program as the whole infoverse. It is indeed 'his'... Shakespeare might have been somewhat gnostic, but certainly wasn't (modern) info-gnostic, so the 'hints' are not quite good...Ndru01 19:42, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

btw, here's some poetry I recently produced (actually for wikipedia's discussion on morphic fields, but later deleted it), so here it is again here, why not (since you asked for it):

de doo doo doo - on planet da da da - eye of the yello says: - hail satan, the future is yours! - it always was - since there is no future - only lie eating the truth in circle... -

hello, i am you, you are me - we are one with the creator - what's the use of starving to death - let's eat the creation - till the circle eats itself - it's always doo doo fun - while planet da da run... Ndru01 20:12, 16 May 2006 (UTC)

and much more like this

From Plains Bison

The Plains Bison is one of two subspecies of the American bison. They can be found in the plains, and not in the woodlands area. They are prettier, and more graceful and attractive than the Wood Bison. They are big. The best thing about them is that they are known as bison bison bison, and they are good house pets because they do not shed much. They are often mistaken for buffalo fish, or for Buffalo.

Not actually from Moses

Moses or Móshe (מֹשֶׁה, Standard Hebrew, Tiberian Hebrew Mōšeh, Arabic| موسى Mūsa, Ge'ez| ሙሴ Musse) is a legendary Hebrew| liberator, leader, lawgiver, prophet, and historian. Due to similarities with Gandalf the character from The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Moses is sometimes affectionately referred to as Gandalf the Jew.

Image:Bacchiacca 002.jpg


From Little Horse

Little Horse is a phenomenon slowly sweeping across the nation. A mythology has been crafted around this horse involving an emperor and his obese son who wants a horse of his own and has been pursuing the horse for some time. The evolution of the emperor's son is said to have been influenced by the baby on the packaging of Botan Rice Candy boxes.

It is speculated that Little Horse stands about 5 to 6 inches tall and lives in Big Laurel, but no one has ever proven the existence of this horse or the gender for that matter. T-shirts with the print "Help Save Little Horse" are sold online. The shirts suggest that there is a collaborative effort to save Little Horse. Whether Little Horse exists or not, some believe, is not the point.

From My Butt

HOLY GOD MY BUTT IS ON FIRE! HE TORCHED MY BUTTOCKS! THE PAIN! THE SEARING PAIN! MY VAGINA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Religon of APTBCPPTBAPTBC

The Religion of Americans Pretending To Be Chinese People Pretending To Be Americans Pretending To Be Cows, or The Religon of APTBCPPTBAPTBC, is a religon/cult that was created in early 2006 from members of the Enfield High School. The group’s major member-base is in Enfield, Connecticut, though some members are located as far away as Canada.


Name

Although the name leads to believe that the group is a Religion, it is not a recognized Religion. The word "Religion" is only supposed to stand for a group of people with beliefs, humorous or not, who come together to discuss their beliefs. Also, the group's name may seem to be humorous, yet in actuality it is a pun on other cults who's names are nonsense.


Beliefs

The Religion of APTBCPPTBAPTBC believes in the leadership of four major leaders. These leaders are Bob Saget, George Foreman, Mr. Rogers, and John Basedow. Each leader has a series of stories named "The Chronicles" which discuss why each person is seen as a leader of the group. One major difference between The Religion of APTBCPPTBAPTBC and other religions like Catholicism and Judaism is that a member is allowed to practice another faith. This may be any other faith that the member chooses, and a person in the group is not allowed to persecute another person because of his/her spiritual beliefs. There are a small set of rules, but because of randomness, are not always followed by the group's members. Lastly, there is no church that a member has to go to, nor is there prayers or spiritual beliefs.


Rules/Regulations

There are not many rules that a person has to follow to be in The Religion of APTBCPPTBAPTBC, and even though they are stated clearly, are not always followed by the members.

1. A member cannot chew on pork friend rice, he/she must swallow it.

2. A member cannot do cartwheels in Target or Wal-Mart.

3. A member has to at least play DDR 12 times a year.

4. A member cannot use toothpicks when eating a sandwich.

5. A member can only eat a total amount of 3 pounds of lobster in 1 sitting.

6. A member must say Elephants at least once a week.

7. A member must go to Alabama once in their lifetime.

8. A member must use LOL once a week.

9. A member must not worship Green Day, or any thing related to it.

10. A member must have 2 ears.

11. A member must have at least one strand of hair on his/her head.

12. A member must visit this website occasionally.

13. A member must worship Bob Saget, George Foreman, Mr. Rogers, and John Basedow.

14. A member must try to convert his/her friends into this fine cult.... I mean Religion.

15. A member must take a shower at least once a year.

16. A member must have at least one article of pink clothing in their closet/dresser.

17. A member must not go to Hollister and buy $100 pants.

18. A member must see Forrest Gump at least once.

19. A member must love Franky Gee.

20. A member must be able to count to 7 in English.


DDR

The group's members have a strong tie to the video game hit Dance Dance Revolution. This Konami original is played by the members of APTBCPPTBAPTBC, and is seen as the, "greatest peice of art ever created" (Bryan Flanaghan). Pictures and more information can be seen on their website.


More Information

For more information on The Religion of Americans Pretending To Be Chinese People Pretending To Be Americans Pretending To Be Cows, the Groups Website is located at [1]

From How to get high

To get high:

1. Blow up lots of baloons with helium (over 300)<P> 2. Attach A string to the bottom of each one<P> 3. Hold on tight!!!!!<P><P> Note: If you see an airplane coming tward you, let go of at least half (or else you'll go kersplat!)

Bjarang

Bjarang is an unknown aboriginal sport that is said to have been invented in Burma(Myanmar). The sport invloves finding the longest piece of grass and took immense skill and knowledge of the ground. It is said that Godfrey Nicholas 'stumbled' across the game wehn he himself was studying the fine art of grass.

The world champion is currently Daived Moodae (Tubak), who won the won the world championships in 2006 in Brisbane. He won a thrilling contest against Abdul Bomber (Burma), as the tense match ended being decided by sudden death sitiuation.

Although Bjarang is a very unknown sport, it is said it will spread widely, especially in less developed contries. It is hinted that in 2016, it will become an olympic sport along with paintball and snooker.

Allthough Bjarang is a near ruleless goame, some rules have been introduced into the western game, such as genetically modified grass, and grass "extenders" the longest ever piece of grass found to be legal, was 37 inches by Daived Moodae

From Millard Fillmore

Millard Fillmore (January 7, 1800 – March 8, 1874) sucked.



Seriously. I kid you not. He was insane. He had these two cats, and he thought they were magical. At his second State of the Union address, he brought them to the podium and said that his name was now Mrs. Norris. He went on to proclaim that the cats called him that and that they were sent by IBM to mointor things. In the 19th century however, there was no IBM. This guy was crazier than Simon Cowell in a parka.

((This is funny because Fillmore did not even have one inauguration, never mind a second, as he became President with the death of Zachary Taylor))

From Politician 

you konw that guy that drives too slow on the highway?
        you konw that old lady who crossese the street to slow?
             do you konw that mexican at the dry cleaners that steals ur socks every sunday?


that is a politician, it is a vile creature, half human..half demon... they control most of the world, and pretend to be caring and care about society, however this is pretense. They can be compared to the sucubus of modern latin english, not all politicians are in politics/ government, some of them can be found in ur own home, example would be dustmites, they are horrible little creatures taht think they know everything and want you to die, much like dustmites, politicians WANT YOU TO DIE, they have no sense of compassion. however they do have more compassion than lawyers on the plus side.

from Brillo Pad

In the year 1987, the first human/brillo pad hybrid was born. His name was consequently Brett 'Da Brillo' Field. His skin was as rough as a normal Brillo Pad, and many scientists have predicted that by the time of his 40th birthday that he will evolve into a proper brillo pad, ready to elimate tough stains on plates and cutlery around many homes in and around the UK. Brett is not the only Brillo hybrid, and he often goes to groups such as 'Brillo Pads Anonymous' to shed light on his rare condition, with others. He was recently turned down by Vaseline for a short commerical, because apparrently, he was too 'dry' to be considered.

From Pikmin

Pikmin recipes

Breakfast foods

Pikmin pancakes: Make pancakes but incorporate 15 pikpik carrots into the batter.

Toastbug: Slice a breadbug and toast it.

Honeywisp Scramble: Scramble honeywisp eggs.

Lunches

Bulblaxx hot dog: Take a bulblaxx and about 30 tiny buns. Cut the bulblaxx into sausage shapes and serve on buns

Bulbborb pizza: Take a bulbborb and chop it up and serve on a pizza. Delicious!

Delicious dinner ideas

Bulbbear meatloaf: Cook a bulbbear and serve it like meatloaf.

Bulbborb steak: Slice a bulbborb and cook the steaks.

Beady Longlegs soup: Take a beady-longlegs and slice it up with pik pik carrots and hot steaming broth.

Water-dumple dumpling soup: Mix water-dumple dumplings with pik pik carrots in Sheargrub broth.

Snacks

Snagret nuggets: Serve snagret nuggets like you would chicken nuggets.

Wogpole-on-a-stick: Poke a stick into a deep-fried wogpole.

Delicious desserts

Dumple delight: Take 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream and add some chocolate sauce and water-dumple shaped gummy candies. Serve after a good meal of bulbborb steak or bulbbear meatloaf.

I didn't know Louie had an account!

From List of fictional characters missing an appendage

Reason given for edit:

(→S - , Changed Bleach link to the MANGA, not the CLEANING AGENT)

Things you shouldn't do while hugging a police officer

^I supposesome ppl like that sort of stuff

from Life

Dogs are very smart animals. They have the smallest brain of any other living mammel, yet they are the smartest. (Besides Humans). Puppies lives are the best. They have so much fun and can see color as youngsters, but as they grow older, they cannot see as much color naymore. Much research has been done and dogs are revealed as the kind of mammel (besides humans) with the most changes.

"Dogs are smarter then me!" 

    - Kevin Dogg

From Smolankovo

For other uses, see Smolankovo.
Template:Infobox Country

Smolankovo (Smolankovian: Shmatzdilva) is a country in central Europe. It is located between Poland and The Ukraine in a formerly unpopulated space in an Atlas. Smolankovo is yet to be accepted as a legitimate country by the Wider Internation Community (WIC).

Smolankovo was founded by three illegitimate heirs to the throne of Hungary in 1217. It was intended to be a save haven for outcasts of the church but was soon infiltrated by the Pope himself, riding at the head of a Gypsy procession. From the year 1225 it was predominantly a Gypsy state. Smolankovo was invaded by Poland in the 16th century and was under Polish rule until 1832 when the entire Polish garrison was forced out of their barracks and cosequently across the border by a rabid skunk. It is said that the day skunks no longer inhabit Smolankovo, the Polish will return.

Smolankovo has been ruled by Gypsy Kings since the arrival of Zold Zdilva in the 17th Century who established the Shmat (Royal Court). The Royal line was broken with the arrival of communism in 1945. The first democratic elections were held in the country in 1992 but overzealous Communist supporters rigged the elections resulting in 103% of the votes going to Josef Stalin (deceased).

History

Jesus was outlawed in 1219, but not before his second coming in Smolankovo in 1227, where he caused a small fire in a mill and refused to pay for the wheat he destroyed.


From New York State Route 437

This is an article about New York's shortest state highway, which is 0.3 miles long. I couldn't resist adding this when I created the article, and finally took it out after nobody noticed for over a month:

This article about a New York state highway| is a stub because the road itself is a stub. NYSDOT| could help Wikipedia by expanding it.


Similarly, on Talk:Highway 137 in reference to a stub extending Interstate 81 across Hill Island, Ontario:


Image:Road stub mini pictogram.png This Canadian| road or highway is a pointless stub|. You can help| Wikipedia by forgetting about it, putting the maps away and simply getting back onto Interstate 81.

Japanese spider crab

Genji 2, a "historically accurate" Sony PlayStation 3 game, features a giant crab. Players can attack its weak point for massive damage, and tactical advantage can also be achieved through real-time weapon changing.

Later changed to:

The spider crab also had relevance in many Japanese ancient battles, where its opponents (in real locations) won by attacking its weak point (located on its underbelly) for massive damage. The more skilled samurai swordsmen used real-time weapon changing to obtain a tactical advantage before engaging its weak point.

From Deaths in 2006

Tom Hanks, aging actor, death by wooden performance in The Da Vinci Code

From Stannards

Bryan Paul Clark, born on the 26 of November in the year of our Lord 1990, resides in this hamlet. He often throws parties involving activity of swimming and burning things. Also drinking soda, and watching movies.

Liam Howell

Liam Howell (born Feb 27, 1989) is an American boy genius. He currently lives in Singapore where he writes novels and manages his own religion, the Church of the Rising Sun.

Background

From the moment he was born, the doctors knew he would grow up to accomplish great things. At only 6 months old, he was already walking and talking with the vocabulary of a twelve-year-old. When he was 4, he fixed his father's broken car. At age 7, his parents sent him in to take an I.Q. Test, but young Liam astounded the test people by getting every question right. They said that they would need to come up with a more extensive test before they could determine Liam's outstanding I.Q. He wrote his first novel at age 10, the #1 Best-Seller Help! I'm too smart!. He had already made a million dollars by he time he was 12. His parents enrolled him into the United World College of South East Asia when he was twelve and it was there that he met Saif Dia. Although Liam was not nearly as smart or as good-looking as Saif, the two became friends. Sometime during grade 10, Liam realized that the school was holding him back, so he left and enrolled in the Singapore American School where he currently is staying.. Marcus Yang (a certified stud) is an avid devotee to the Church of the Rising Sun. He is also part of Liam's World of Warcraft clan and is a level 51 Tauren Shaman (with a big magical sword). Apparently you have to weigh 600kg to be bullet proof, this theory will be tested in the next few weeks. UWC's other studs, Chris 'big-test-tube/paedophile' Barnes and Sai 'oh my goodness' Krishna are also ardent followers of this fabulous religion. Alex Fu (a former certified stud) was an ordained Bishop of the Church of the Rising Sun but quit to start his own religion called 'Eh!' which has currently one member.
Image:Liam posing.jpg

The Genius

His brilliance seems to come from his ancestors; and with his middle name being Gillelan, who would doubt it? The young Liam is related to Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci and even Stephen Hawking. In addition, when Liam was 14, he invented a device that could actually increase your I.Q. by artificially growing more nerves to connect the right and left brain. When he was 15, he won the Nobel Peace Prize for his inventions, which Liam asked the NPP Committee to mail to him secretly as he did not want to embarrass the other members of the science community.

Liam, when interviewed on the Tonight show by Jay Leno, also attributed part of his success to the dim qualities of another friend he met in Singapore while attending the United World College of South East Asia, Nicholas James Siew. He said "Being friends with Nick was amazing, his brilliance encouraged, rather, inspired me to succeed." He then continued "...[Nick] pulled me aside one time and gave me some advice,saying "Liam,don't try to immitate other people because if you do it wrong, you will look foolish. Be yourself, and focus on your own strenths and try to fix you own weaknesses. He then flicked his hair back and, in a way that for somereason I found incredibly attractive and probably explains why he's currently dating supermodel Adriana Lima*,leaned back and yawn, flexing his taught, muscular arms..." He then finished his interview, after blanking out with a glazed look in his eye for a few minutes by quoting Oscar Wilde, "People who aren't Nick, just plain suck."

Then, during the press conference following his Olympic Gold Medal win in competitive figure skating (It may be of interest to note it was here Nicholas James Siew won 7 gold medals for various events, but neglected to be interviewed and instead boarded his Lear Jet back to one of his private estates worldwide, and thus causing the press to have to resort to interview Liam Howell.), Liam would say, "What allowed me to be so successful, was reading and scrupulously learning what I could from Nick, collecting all his thirty seven books, and his interview in Time Magazine, where he was named man of the century, among others. As well as this, during the month he finally conceded to Hef's constant begging for him to visit the Playboy Mansion, Nick agreed to allow me to tag along, and this is where I learnt a huge deal from him." He finished saying, "I owe everything I have to Nick. If I could say one thing to him, and just one hting, it would have to be khank you.'

Male Model

Liam's boyish good looks got him a summer job as a male model. While visiting in New York for a business trip, he was pulled aside by a talent agent who offered him a contract. Liam went in and became one of the "...sexiest male models to walk into this agency". Liam quit shortly after to pursue his career in science, thus allowing Angkan Mukherjee to take his place as the new monarch of modeling.

Religion

Liam founded the Church of the Rising Sun when he was 16 which started as small, underground organization that praises the prophet Liam Howell. It currently has over 21,000,000 members and more are joining every day. The Vatican made this comment, "The Church of the Rising Sun, although for a good cause, must be stopped or it will become more popular than Christianity." Although the prophet Liam Howell is praised, the focus of all this worship is on Nicholas James Siew, who members believe not only to be a prophet, but their Messiah.

References

  • Brown, Jeremy (1999) The Boy, The Genius. New York: Times Books International.
  • Liam Howell: The Boy Wonder (March 28, 2002). The Straights Times.
  • The Asiaweek Newsmap (April 27, 2000). Asiaweek.
  • Our Savior, Liam Howell. The Church of the Rising Sun handbook.
  • Liam Howell (1999) Help! I'm too smart! . Self-Published.
  • Davidson, Carlson P. (1998) A King meets a God, the Story of how Liam Howell, with Guidance from Nicholas Siew, Be What He Is Today.
  • Lima, Adriana, (2005), E! Entertainment Interview, on how she managed to have a relationship wiht Nicholas James Siew
  • Fletcher, Roger Introduction to Fritz Fischer, From Kaiserreich to Third Reich, London: Allen & Unwin, 1986.

Man Beast: The Night of Death (movie)

Template:Infobox Film

Main movie plot

Set in 1970's Russia, Man Beast is the classic retelling of Beauty and The Beast with emphasises how cool beasts are. Nicholas Cage plays John McGoodguy, a straight up all American, who isn't afraid to bend the rules but knows why they're there and respects the hell out of them. In 1970 he's on a chartered plane to a 3rd world country with medical supplies for sick and dying children. His plane crash lands in Russia inside a nuclear reactor. McGoodguy escapes with only minor cuts and bruises..... or so he thought.

  • Tagline: "What is a man when he is covered in hair and has claws?.

Rules

In ManBeast there a certain expressed rules of how one can turn into a manbeast or womanbeast.

1. Falling from a plane into a nuclear reactor.

2. Falling in love and copulating with a manbeast (spoiler for film's ending).

3. Being birthed by a manbeast or woman beast.

Cast

  • Patrick Stewart – Bill McGoodguy / Head of DynaCorp / Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise

Quotes

"What's happening to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!" - John McGoodguy

"With great power, comes great fun." - Manbeast

"You're mine now Manbeast. Try to run away. I think you'll find that you' been paralysed. Oh yes. You're going nowhere" Manconi Villanoni

"Help" - Nadia

"I H-h-hate you" - Manbeast

"I was behind it all John. Sorry" - Bill McGoodguy

Assicon

A collection of phrases blending buttocks, emotions, and texts to form cute ASCII arts, used mainly in mobile phone text messaging and computer online chatting (netlingo).

E.g., :) for smile. The word assicon originates from ass + icon. It is pronounced as "air'-see-con".

Here are some examples of assicons:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_^^_) a bubble ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_o^^o_) a wise ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) money coming out of his ass

(_?_) dumb ass

Note that you don't need to tilt your head to view assicons, unlike smileys.

Wroon

Wroon, sometimes spelled ryun, is a multi-purpose tool used to turn bolts and also serves as an eating utensil. Anciently, metal tools were expensive to manufacture and were quite heavy, so to economize on space and material, the common wrench and spoon were combined.
Image:Adjusting Wroon.jpg
The advent of the adjustable wroon brought the tool to common workers in the early 1900's. Microcomputers and now, nanotechnology, has greatly increased the value of the wroon as a most adaptable and effective tool fore the modern laborer.

Most commercial grade wroons use technology and embedded computers to make tool usage and eating more efficient and effective. Wroons are ubiquitous| and are becoming what the MIT Media Lab calls "things that think". The wroon is pervasive now, but within a few years should include more advanced artificial intelligence or fuzzy logic to perform self-adjusting and administratvie functionalities.

History

Ancient wroons

Combining the wrench and spoon appears to have occured in Asia Minor. During the Trojan War, Greek| engineers required a tool to tighten large bolts to keep the Trojan Horse together as it was moved inside the gates of Troy (Ilium). Since space was confined inside the horse, the soldier/mechanics could not carry extra tools. Five bronze devices approximately 14 inches long with a 13/16" four-sided socket wrench on one end and a spoon on the other were forged by a weapons smith| named Diplocorethus. The plan and tool worked well.

Little is heard of the wroon after Troy except for possible usage by Diades of Pella, who was Alexander the Great's seige weapons engineer, and by Roman| Leigion usage. The mechanics used the wroon to repair wagons during long marches and soldiers used it on the ballista, a complex weapon for its time. Since both mechanics and ballista operators needed to have the wrench handy and soldiers were required to carry their own eating utensils, the wroon gained popularity with this group.
Image:Ancient Wroon.jpg
They were used on Roman frontiers were soldiers were on the move. Most were forged from iron and quite heavy, weighing up to three pounds, such that eating with the spoon was difficult for weaker users.

Adjustible wroon

The wroon declined in popularity because of their weight and the increase in different sizes of bolt heads. It was no longer practical to incorporate eating utensils to a tool that was not required to carried at all times. In the late 1900's, Eita Spanner reinvented the wroon by incorporating an adjustable wrench with the spoon. He worked on the New York City Subway system and found that eating meals at his task location was easier than crawling up and down the elevated train system structure to make adjustments. There were many sizes of bolts to be manipulated so he developed a wrench that adjusted the head size and attached it to a spoon. This reduced effort in getting to difficult places and reduced the number of tools to be carried.

Modern wroon

In 1994 the first smart wroon hit the market. It was tested extnesively before release using design principles as outlined by Donald Norman in the "Design of Everyday Things" (ISBN 0385267746). The tool had become ergonomically correct for use by both right and left handed operators. Microprocessors could easily be added to the tool, but the interface| was not practical due to the inability to enter information into the tool. With voice recognition software becoming more practical in the late 1990's, effective human-computer interaction was possible. The use of the tool was now able to verbally command the wrench to increase or decrease in size via electric control motors which replaced the manual screw control. Ambient noise reduced the effectiveness of continuous tool adjustment.

Some wroons were fitted with cell phone technology in the early 1990’s, but this was abandoned as mobile phones became smaller. Most users did not like talking into a large wroon while driving or walking through the grocery store. The voice transmission was popular so that on-line installation guides could talk the user through their work in any location. Many wroons still allow for two-way communication activated by voice command. This enables the user to use both hands for the work being performed.

High-tech nanowroon

With the availability of high resolution imaging and pressure sensors durable enough to stand up to the rigors of the work place environment, the wroon has become a most effective tool. As nanotechnology is increasingly viable as an afordable technology, further improvements are being made to make the wroon a most invaluable tool for the construction laborer. Many of the technologies developed for the wroon are now being studied by the United States Department of Defense for adaptation to military purposes.

Technologies and advantages

Following are some features of wroons in use:

Auto adjusting

  • Camera mounted on back surface of adjustable portion on wrench input image of the bolt or nut to the computer which then adjusts the size of wrench by small electric motors in the adjusting screw. This task is accomplished automatically –usually in less than a half a second - as the wroon is brought into position.
  • Voice recognition features allow the user to “manually” tighten or loosen the wrench. Hands-free adjustment speeds up installation time and keeps both hands at work.

Heating/cooling features

  • Thermostat in the wroon can be set so that the handle is maintained at a comfortable temperature to the user by means of a small resistance heater|. This is appreciated by workers in the winter. Cooling feature is not yet availabl